I thought we’d go down the route of the satirical and humorous, with a dash of serious sprinkled in. Among us lurk gym characters who must train harder. Are you one of them?
I will stamp this whole article with a caveat. If for any reason, you’re not in the position to train harder, but are doing something – my respect is yours.
The below is based upon some typical funny gym characters. It’s within their power to train harder, yet they continually question why they aren’t progressing. Unfortunately, our funny gym characters have mastered progression of an opposing skill, the incredible ability to waste not only their own time, but everyone else’s too.
Unfortunately, the gym is ever increasingly riddled with characters similar to the below. I enjoy training in a gym 3 days a week, but equally enjoy splitting my time between hiking or more hybrid fitness endeavours.
Could you train harder?
Remember my adaptation response article? It covered the necessity of training harder in order to achieve your chosen fitness goal. No? It’s a key article in understanding the meaning of fitness progression.
I will repeat this until I’m blue in the face…. You must train harder to trigger an adaptation response. Your hard isn’t my hard and the ability to generate more intensity increases over time. Unless you’re giving your body a reason to get fitter, it won’t.
Exercise quality over quantity
I won’t go into too much depth as there’s a whole other post coming on exercise quality over quantity.
Within my corporate world, businesses are littered with employees who’ve long stagnated within a current role. These (often talented) people have craved promotion and been ‘overlooked’ in favour of newer talent. Why? If you spoke to the overlooked, the reason would be obvious favouritism/face doesn’t fit etc.
Most of the time the truth answer lies within something I call ‘repeater syndrome’. The length of service would be 10 years, actual years spent learning new skills is 2 years and 8 years have been repeated.
We’re fond of relating time served as expertise. What on earth do I mean and how does this relate to gym goals?
An example: two years ago, both Arnold and Sly commenced their gym journey with similar muscle building goals.
Arnold
- Attends the gym 5 days a week and for 90 minutes a session
- His structured program covers an hour of weightlifting followed by half an hour of cardio. This program changes once per month, or weekly depending on what training article Arnold’s recently devoured.
- Arnold is well known by fellow gym attendees and loves the gym social life
- He could incline dumbbell press 30 kg dumbbells for 8 reps 18 months ago. Today he can press 30kg dumbbells for 9 reps.
- His cardio sessions involve a gentle walk on the treadmill and enjoying a giggle with other members
- Arnold is happy to offer advice and is often seen chatting to new members offering ‘expert’ opinion
- Arnold has no concept of goal progression and workout tracking
- Arnold’s body has been devoid of a fitness adaptation response for years
- Of those 450 minutes of working out per week, a grand total of 0 minutes are effective training minutes
- Arnold spends his evenings googling the latest workout plans, reads articles on hitting the body from every angle and ponders over why he isn’t progressing. He must be genetically cursed?
Sly
- Sly attends the gym for a little over an hour 3 days a week
- His workouts include 45 minutes weight lifting and a 20 minute brutal HIIT workout
- Sly only uses his phone for music and the notes app to track every workout. He’s there to train, not for distractions. If his daughter’s Taylor Swift banger starts playing on Spotify, he will grin and bear it. Completing the set is crucial
- Sly attends the gym to train hard and trigger an adaptation response
- Sly will gesture hello to fellow gym goers and be more than happy to provide a spot from time to time. If time allows, he will keep the chit chat to when his workout is concluded
- Sly started the gym with lat pulldowns as a pull up was beyond his limits. Now he’s achieving multiple reps of weighted pull-ups, with 20kg attached to his waist. His other lifts follow suit and his impressive gains match his lifts
- Sly’s HIIT workouts follow the same vein and his cardio fitness is excellent.
- Sly sticks to a handful of the basic exercises and fully grasps the notion of workout intensity and quality always trumping quantity
Are you an Arnold or one of the below funny gym characters? You’ve dedicated time to working out and getting fit. Achieving a goal requires focus, dedication and purpose. Being able to train hard is a privilege not all can participate in. You attend the gym for a reason – could you train harder? You don’t need hours in the gym and can get in great shape bu just focusing on intensity vs volume. Find out how I fit it all in here.
Meet the funny gym characters Who must train harder
Welcome to the modern gym, a place where iron meets willpower, where sweat and determination forge the best versions of ourselves. Or at least, that’s what it’s supposed to be. Instead, what we often find is a circus of half-hearted efforts, featuring a colourful cast of characters who bring more entertainment than inspiration.
The Gym Mobile Phone Addict
Meet the gym mobile phone addict, the gym-goer whose thumbs are more muscular than their biceps. These people can be found occupying prime gym real estate with one hand lifting weights and the other furiously texting. Their workout playlist is a seamless blend of half-reps and notifications.
The Scrollers
These people can lift their phones to eye level with perfect form but struggle to perform a single proper rep. They seem to believe that muscle growth is directly proportional to the number of likes on their latest post. Between sets, they scroll through endless memes, occasionally chuckling and sharing their screen with a friend. 30 minutes between sets is a mandatory requirement to join the gym mobile maniacs elite.
The Video Callers
Not content with merely texting, some Titans take it up a notch with video calls. They’ll prop their phone on a dumbbell rack and chat away, barely breaking a sweat. Their form is questionable, but their social life is on point.
The Phantom Texter
It’s always thumb day! Always texting, updating statuses and taking Snapchat stories. Occasionally, the eyes are lifted and some very light weights, but only for a selfie.
The Playlist Perfectionist
These gym goers spend more time curating the workout playlist than lifting weights. Each set is delayed by an exhaustive search for the perfect pump-up song. If the track doesn’t have the right beat, the set must immediately be abandoned in order to search for a more banging tune!
The Social Media Star
the workout isn’t complete without documenting every moment on Instagram. They spend more time perfecting the pose, adjusting lighting, and selecting filters than actually working out. By the end of the session, they’re more likely to have a cramp from holding a phone than from any physical exertion.
The Business Man/Woman
Ah the ultimate gym mobile phone addict. The gym is this persons personal call centre. Whether it’s chatting with friends or making business calls, the phone conversations dominate gym time. This persons idea of multitasking? Discussing dinner plans and closing a deal, all whilst attempting half-hearted reps. They should wear their business attire to the gym (no chance of it getting sweaty) and keep an office chair handy.
The Gym Gossip Guru
The Treadmill Talk Show
The treadmill area transforms into their personal talk show. Topics range from neighborhood drama to celebrity scandals. No subject is off-limits. The treadmill walk is peppered with laughter, gasps, and the occasional dramatic pause.
As they walk, they wave at acquaintances and occasionally greet other gym-goers, but nothing diverts their attention from their primary mission: gossiping. The only time they break a sweat is when a particularly juicy piece of news makes them laugh uncontrollably.
Weightlifting, Sort Of
After their intense cardio session, it’s time for some gym gossip guru weightlifting session. But don’t be fooled, the heaviest thing they lift is their water bottles. They make their way to the free weights area, choosing a spot where they can continue their conversation without interruption.
Up comes a 5-pound dumbbell for a couple of bicep curls, and it’s immediately put down to emphasise a point about the latest drama. The training partner picks up the 5k dumbbell and immediately puts it down, as they forgot to mention the affair they heard about.
The one training principle adhered to by these people – the more shocking the story, the fewer the reps and the longer the rest periods between sets.
I need you to know I’m a trained killer (this gYM character isn’t to be trifled with)
This person will 100% make it known that they practice a martial arts. Keep an eye out for special punches and kicks being thrown at the mirror. If you so much as catch this person’s eye during a spinning back kick, he’ll have you signing up for Taekwondo lessons in no time.
The Hawk
He’s the person you regularly say hello to. He is convinced you’re delighted to see him walk into the gym. It is irrelevant you’ve got headphones on and clearly mean business between timed sets… You’re in the hawks stare sights. He’s looking for that perfect opportunity to grab you at the right time for a chat…
The Gym Equipment legends
No gym is complete without the Equipment Hogs, those who treat gym equipment as their personal lounge furniture. They commandeer a machine or bench, spending more time resting and texting than actually working out.
The Bench Warmers
They’ll occupy a bench, perform a set every ten minutes, and then settle in for a long rest. Their phone becomes their best friend during these breaks, as they catch up on social media or respond to emails. Meanwhile, a line of frustrated gym-goers forms, waiting for their turn.
The Equipment Owners
These individuals believe that once they’re on a machine, they own it. They’ll sit there, taking multiple breaks between sets, each one longer than the last. Their focus drifts from exercise to their phones, go for a chat whilst their phone is on the equipment, leaving others waiting and wishing for a turn.
Spot me bro
Spot me bro is always going for a PR and needs your immediate help! Your goals are secondary. His PR attempt always involves you getting in more of a workout, attempting to lift his ridiculously overloaded barbell.
The Tourist
The Tourist treats the gym like an amusement park. This person tries every machine but commits to none. They’ll sit on the leg press, look around confused, and then move on to the rowing machine, where they’ll row like they’re escaping a crocodile. Their workout routine is a grand tour of the gym equipment, with minimal actual exercise.
The Sampler
Next up is the Sampler, who believes in trying a little bit of everything – but only a little. They’ll do one rep on the chest press, two bicep curls, half a squat, and call it a day. They leave the gym feeling accomplished, having sampled every machine without breaking a sweat.
The Serial Sitter
Serial Sitters can be found occupying machines and benches, but rarely using them. They’ll sit for extended periods, staring off into space or chatting with a friend, seemingly oblivious to the fact that gym equipment is meant for exercise. Their main goal appears to be avoiding any actual physical activity while maintaining a presence in the gym.
The Gym Selfie Star
Enter the gym Selfie Star, the gym-goers who spend more time posing for photos than lifting weights. Their workout routine is carefully choreographed around capturing the perfect shot for their social media followers.
The Mirror Posers
These individuals commandeer the mirrors, flexing and posing between sets. Each set is followed by a photo session, ensuring every angle is captured. Their workouts are more about getting the right shot than breaking a sweat.
The Hashtag Heroes
Every gym visit is documented with a series of selfies and updates. #NoDaysOff and #GymLife flood their social media feeds, even if their actual workout was more of a photo op. They’ve mastered the art of looking fit without actually putting in the work.
Don’t ever walk in front of the gym selfie star whilst they’re filming a ‘perfect set’ for insta/TikTok or Facebook. You’ll forever regret it…
The Forever gym beginner
Finally, we have the Perpetual Beginners, those who are always starting their fitness journey. Their enthusiasm is commendable, but their knowledge of gym equipment is often lacking.
The Misusers
You’ll find them attempting to use machines in ways that defy logic and manufacturer instructions. Their creativity knows no bounds and the cable equipment brings out the best in them, often performing never before feats of stupidity.
The Overenthusiastic Newbies
These beginners come equipped with brand-new workout gear and endless enthusiasm. They tackle every machine with gusto, but their form and technique need serious help. Their passion is infectious, but a little guidance would go a long way.
The Resident Gym Sage
Every gym comes equipped with its resident Gym Sage – my personal favourite gym character.
The sage is fascinated by watching others work out. They’ll stand or sit near popular machines, intently observing how others use them. These individuals are full of fitness advice, mostly unsolicited, and love to share it with anyone who will listen.
They’ll offer tips on proper form, diet, and workout routines, even if their own workouts consist more of talking than lifting. They might sound impressive, but their results often tell a different story. Who knows how long the sage will be around, with the future of fitness looking very much AI driven.
I’m here for a swolemate
We can meet people in all strange and wonderful circumstances and I’m certainly not discouraging anyone from finding ‘ a swolemate’ (couldn’t resist) and picking up more than dumbbells within the gym. This type of gym character must remember most people train at a gym, surprisingly to train. Unwanted attention/eye contact makes most people feel uncomfortable. if you’re going to make a move on your gym crush, perhaps wait until they’ve at least finished their set. An offer for post gym coffee is as good as any.
Conclusion and closing thoughts
The gym is a microcosm of society, filled with unique gym characters who make every visit an adventure. While it’s easy to get distracted or fall into familiar habits, the true path to fitness lies in dedication and effort. This article doesn’t even venture into the world of bad personal trainers out there…. that’s a post in its own right.
Whether you’re a gym mobile phone addict, the gym gossip guru, a gym selfie star, looking for a swolemate or the resident gym sage, remember that progress comes from hard work.
Even if you or I don’t fit into the funny gym character population, we can all train harder. For the ultimate guide to mens fitness over 40, click here.
If you’ve dedicated a significant portion of time into attending the gym, it clearly holds importance to you. Reflection time is a useful progress tool. How are you progressing? What’s holding you back from progress? How can you create a training environment that guarantees progress? How have you progressed since last year? All pertinent questions.
As always, if I can assist you with anything, it would be my pleasure. Just click the contact me portion and I will get back to you ASAP. Perhaps I’ve missed a key player out of the funny gym characters line up? Do let me know and I’ll ensure they’re added in.
Thanks for reading. Train hard and chat soon,
Matt
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